Tuesday, January 31, 2006
i'm truly and indeed... alone again ... naturally....
ignorant is indeed bliss..
it is just so obvious..just tat i refuse to believe it..
i am so hurt..
sometimes...
sometimes i really really wish something nice would happen to moi for a change..
just for this
once
with love
1:54 AM
Saturday, January 28, 2006
i only WAnna be with YOu
I Dont knoe WAT is it that make moi love u so..
I only knoe tat i'll never wanna LEt u Go
cos u started something cant u sEe...
that ever since we meet, u had a HOlD on moi.
it happens to be true...
I only wanna BE with YOu
It doesnt matter where u go and wat you DO.
I wanan spent each MOmenT of the Day with you
look wat has happen wiht jsut one kiss.
I never knew that i could be in lOVe liKe thiS..
its craZY but it's tRue
i ONLy WAnna be with you...
you Stop and sMIlE at moi, ask moi if i care to dance
i fell into ur open arms and i didnt stand a ChANce
now listen honey...
i jsut wanna be besIdE u everYWheRe
as long as we are toGEthEr honey i dont cARe
you staRTed something cant u SEe...
ever since we meet u have a hOLd on moi.
no matter WAT u DO..
i only wanna be with YOu.
i only wannA be with YOu.
with love
7:29 PM
last DAy of the lunar Calender..
the ENd of the LunAR calender, a new start comes tml...
actually i looking more to playing with the little nephew and neieces.
going be a crazy kindergarten session again..
din we used to enjoy cny more as a kid? one can of fizzy soft drink can make us overly delightful..
oh well.. i just we all grown up rite? but yet we retain tat little bit of child in us... hee..
this is the start of an awfully long week... i went chilling out wiht rosy , muru, connie , gugu and ling at blacks... cos i was feeling so love sickish.
thanks Rosy for accompanuing le.. and she also accompanied moi get chocolate for that someone.. thansk twinnie..
BTW a lot fun with gu gu ard..hee
muru came depsite having to work the next day.. maya ignoring him.. i really hated such feelings. i wish i coudl do more to console or help my bro.. cos i knoe the shitty feeling .. hard to comprehend and hard to explain.. only those who experience it will understnad it...
i cant help cos i am in no better state. i used to laugh at ppl being a love fool.. but right now i am truly one.. cant seem to focus on sch work . cant seem to focus on things to do. i dont mind the feeling but it is really eating unto moi...
how come i alwasy feel inferior upon fellow suitors?.. now PP is staying ... i got a feeling the chocolates are going to stay too...maybe give them to mummy lar.. i guess it will be yet antoher lonely V day this year.. i rem i spent last year V day at lab... sucky feeling..yucks..
come tml will be a new start for u and moi
and everybody....
with love
3:47 PM
Friday, January 27, 2006
Another lonely day..
i have decided . PP will stay at home.. althought his intended purpose is not so.. but to make someone happy..
but i tink it is kinda hasty... dont wanna appear invasive....
oh well.. PP can stay on my bed till then time is ripe..
dunno rite choice or wrong move?... if rite i be glad.. if wrong i will not forgive myself for missing out the chance..
but then again.. i will never know rite?..
for now.. i TRy to stop msging u and stop thinking abt u..
HAppy CNY in Advance to ALL....
with love
1:02 AM
Thursday, January 26, 2006
CONfused!!!!!! ARGH!!!!
SHd PP stay or go??
pls advice!!!!!!!!!!!
with love
12:17 AM
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
weaksZ....
how come u are always out with frineds and cant afford time for moi? am i tat insignificant ? or am i just suffering from the effects of missing u...? feel so vunerable
with love
1:36 AM
Saturday, January 21, 2006
tired..
no matter how tired i made myself to be, i still tink of u everytime...
with love
2:11 AM
Friday, January 20, 2006
got milk?
WAT is new huh? sch is still screwed up..tutorial clashes.. piles of work when it is onyl like the 2nd week of sch... tighter security for the library. new booking system for the use of computer.. sucks!!!!.....
the work is realyl starting to pour in!!!! haiz...helpZZ..
read for 2 hrs in the librayr today.. awfully quiet. cos only like 6-7 ppl inside..
had lunch with joani, adrain and eva..
design project meeting.. then lecture
then of to bugis to buy CNY clothes...got a RED pure milk shirt!!! hee RED= huat AH!!!!! hope every thing will go smoothly smoothly..mummy say all will wear red for CNY hee.. i saw levi engineer jeans 2006 one.. so nice!! veyr tempted to get.. but budget... haiz.. *gain FACE*.. who wnan sponsor moi?
EVA jion moi and rosy for shopping.. she also looking for clothes
rosy and moi
eva and moi
Dingy jion us for dinner. dingy ur specs very toot...
and dauttie.
had lunch at mos burger!!! dingy trying to EAT chilli cheese DOG.. heehee.. Greedy lor.. slowly lar..
we vist muru at his home cos he like strian his ligament.. got him a nice card..
played with paris his doggy and work out at his place..
heehee
.. paris cute huh...
a few thanks today..
thanks to all those who ask when i am feeling low yest
Gim teck who wave doublely hard to moi today.. fishball too..
snoopy.. thanks for ur moose le.. so cute one
if koala represent aussie. moose will represent sweden.. hee
i am tired le.. but my mind refuse to stop thinking of u ..
Wat do i do?
with love
12:05 AM
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
wonders of sleep.
i just la la-ed.. felt better.
when somethings ends or somethings fails, ur energy drains away from u..
just like when they shout" exercise cut" , we all switch from alert mod to nua-ing mode.. like someone had just turn off some switch for the pwr flow.
been so werid.. surviving with only 4-5 hrs of sleep.. going to sch so early jsut to do pull ups and enjoy the solitude..maye of the motivation factor that can sustain moi.. and only that alone..
on a lighter note.CNY coming and i am going to shop for clothes tml.
maybe get a new hair style..
AFRO.....heehee..OMG i look riduclous heehee
sony ericson phone got this added pic with themes..( tahnks to dean and his HP)
how abt one for X mas?
just hear those sleigh bell ring-ating jing-tin ling a ling... heheee
with love
11:37 PM
at least that i will know
i am feeling so down... despite being my mummy Bday...
at least i knoe how u would feel.. i am just secondary. hope i will recover soon..
it just hurts so much everytime...
WOrk is starting to pile in!. projects and project and presentation. my second day of sch.. GOlly moi..
i made a friend today. at the pull. some FASS tutor psychology one. he was doing some pulls at 0800. i started a conversation and ended up as frineds. how nice huh.
printed tonnes of notes. cash card must be bleeding now. but no as much as my heart.
i got mess up planning for my timetable . now got clashes. cos i appeal for some mod.. failure in planning..
cant blame moi. i have to juggle work and studies then.. haiz..
i pulled for the second time of the day before coming home. althought it was raining..
i just needed some time alone.
with love
6:11 PM
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
I miss u SO much!!
okie i am offically back at sch!! after it started for one week.. a few of the ppl in my fac ask why am i not in sch .. never see moi..
lesson is at 1400 but i went to sch at 0800...
for wat?
to go to my fav haunt le.. i miss it so much.. spent 1.5 hrs there.. pulling and pushing in the eearly morning.. so nice!! wooHOHOOOooo..
meet EVa and BEn for breakfast at macs...
meet joanie and frined at biz for lunch..
speak some cool stuff at sectional learning tutorial.
leanr something really cool..
do the right things VS doing the things right.. cool rite?
went to shop for buddy's present and bought a cake for mummy whose Bday is tml!!!
happy bday mummy!!! love u so much!!!
the thought of someone special keep floating in my mind.. thanks for appearing. hope u will somehow stay... truly...
with love
10:22 PM
looking back at camp..
despite the previous posting i did have tonnes of fun at the camp.
just had a mass msn chat with the ACS guys.. haha.. many of their nicks are the camp RWAKS,the cheers and the happiness..
i cant help but to feel proud..
this is class 4.17 with moi and EVA the only girl in the pic.
this is the pic of moi and hazman.. doing the father abraham dance at the camp fire.
althought lost form pic.. but all in the name of fun.. i am a spontaneous guy..hee
Thanks u all for the wonderful memory..
with love
12:52 AM
Monday, January 16, 2006
the little CAb RIde issue
sorri ppl. for hte lack of updated.. moi just came back from ACS CAMP at malaysia.. 4 days and night of fun filled laughter not to mention some sad times.
it is really nice to stay away.. no SMSes.. no telly.. no sch .. no nothing.. just live off the land for a few days..
known and inspire the 28 ACS guys of class 4.17 . The camp made moi rem how i had my leadship Training camp too.. i was more brilliant and capable then.. heehee....
anyway i was really kinda sad when we, the instructors, came back to singapore.
They were discussing who to share cab home with...
there were 5 of us..
B and BS were siblings staying at bukit panjang
H was staying chua chu kang
X resid yew tee
the last one was moi..
apparently the 4 of them made arrangement to share cab.. 4 per cab..
the B guy refused to accommdate moi into the cab ride home.
since i was the extra one.. i had to take a cab alone..
wouldnt it be more logical to divide in 3:2.. rather than 4:1????the 3 belong to yew tee and teck whye and cck.. while the 2 go bukit panjang..( if u ppl are familar with the route u will agree witht the 3:2 arrangeement)
all the times those instructors told the ACS trainees to work together and think of a most feasbile benenfical way to solve problems, surely their decison was not the most right one..
anyway i know when i am not needed.. many ppl brush moi aside before. so i would be jsut this little bit more immune to it..it is just a sucky feeling to be left out..
since all of them din have lunch so everybody went for lunch. in the hope for some "cohension". which in my view is a bunch of bull. for u cant even make a simple cahnge for moi..
anyway when we were all taking the same bus for lunch, H ,X togher with another guy, A alighted and prob took cab home. cos they were all heading the same driection home..tat driection also points to my home lor.. would it relly hurt if u all could just ask moi if i wanna to share a cab??
how insensitive could u all be?
First, B deny moi from sharing cab with u all claiming that it is pre arrange and the cab had reach its full capacity of 4.
second, the 4 decided not to share cab without telling moi and added the A guy.
yes. althought we only knoeweach other for just a few F days, but surely i dont desere to be treated this way..
the B guy had the cheek to ask moi wat bus i taking home after lunch... he shd be glad that i din punch his FACE on the spot..
I knoe i am a proud guy.. as always. i told the B guy, i am full despite being hungry, and headed home alone... and din have lunch with the whole grp
i dunno why i was affected by this small ordeal.. is it becos i would like to get closer to H or issit becos i felt leave out.. lonely yet again... maybe it is just both.. i dont knoe...
i walked home from the mrt. din take the cab.. figured that i could use the fake feeling of feeling belonged mingling with the crowd inside the mrt.
only joanie sense my unhappiness. for that i am thankful..
as i was walking home alone i thought abt this.
For the times, u all have been slacking and chit cahtting in the long house. i was the one that ensure everything was going smmoothly.
for the time when u all are still snoring in the early morining . i was the first one to wake up and ensure the kids were up..
for the time when u all are playing cards and telling ghost story, i was the one going tent to tent to check on the kids every nite.
for the time u all were eating breakfast happily, i am the one inspecting the toliets and teaching the kids how to wash toliet bowl with their bare hands..
for the time when u all are taking pic with each other for memory, i am left out... why?
cos i am the one cleaning the room u all are staying...
i am not complaining.. relly i am not..now am i accused of beening unfrendly and anti?
it is just like the person who is looking after his frineds belonging on the beach, while his freinds plays in the water, cant u all sense how much this person also wnana go play in the water, but he is bounded by respinsibity to in take care of his frineds bags in case they got lost.
human are all born selfish... unless u love.
as a camper. i believe in returning the place as clean as the time u use it.. or at least even better.
i have pride in all i do... altought results may not be rewarding.. but i work hard..i have the rock lee spirit inside moi
i give in my 100 percent and then some..
althought the pay is pathetic, but i still give in my all.. cos i believe that man can live without money but he cannot live without honour and intergity..
just like sch work , i work hard but still crappy grrades.
perhaps life is never fair.
the least is that i can touch my heart and say that i have give in my best.. each and everytime.... as always.
with love
1:59 AM
Sunday, January 08, 2006
mr nice guy no more!!
the year haven actually started and i starting to get disspointed in frineds already.
althought it is not a big HOo yahh matter, but since ppl declare first blood on moi ..
i need to do soemthing.
yah u are god damn FArking correct!!! i am a EXTremely revengeful and petty guy..
the LL is A big liar and she had the cheek to say she is angry!!! WAssup manz...
theft reporting to police to catch farking theif!!.. Where's te logical...
i wasnt angry to begin with until rosy say she is unhappy..i am farking PISSED!!!!!
Where got ppl call to ask ppl for new year BBQ and disappear herself at 9 plus.
by viture it is a newyear countown thingy.. shdnt everyone stay until at least 12mn..
oh wat? u are cinderilla isst? oh pls...
i din wanna go to the BBQ actaully.. since i only know rosy.. it would be better to have another familair face rite..?
so that the reason for moi being the outcast yest huh? sorri if i dont buy it.. GET a life bitch.. u aint that GREAT..i was only there on rosy account.. rosy u own moi a serious appolgy for this shit... and u knoe how much i hate such stuff.. watever, u can contiune ur life as a lying bitch with ur whiny complains and ur fake lashes and gossips for all i farking care...
been a long time since i went to the bar.. going to pay the bar a visit tml.. hope it wont rain.. ask marko along.. and marko say he gave up on pulling...
OMG.. i dont knoe wat happen to him.. but it is kinda sad for him to give up.it definately has affected moi
every one gives up at one pt or antther..
when u chase ur dream for so long and relaise u cant beat realitly and society..
u give up
when stuff get a little bit hard and tought... ppl gives up..
when teh surrounding enviroment changes, u give up wat u once hold dear.
perhaps it is a wise move to give up and move on..
only silly ppl like moi keep holding on and believeing in the fantasy world that was created by the hope of not giving up..
how silly.. how toopid...
okie.. there is no more pull up gang liao.. officially disbanded.. i hope u are happy.. marko..
muru ask moi to the gym today.. perhaps it is the rain.. it had been raining the whole day long. i reply no.. not that i din workout today.. but more of i din feel going there with muru.
simply put it.. i knoe muru got his bunch of new found friends.the maya gang.. oh pls.. pls dont come and look for moi only in time where u need help or company..
why cant there be purely frinedshipw without the issue of interest.
Damn it..
i am sorri ..
i cant be nice no more.. really.. cos i am quite sick of it.. u all had let moi down once too many times..
i am truly sorri..
with love
11:37 PM
Saturday, January 07, 2006
SCH STARTsss!!!!!
OMG... so fast huh!! sch start liao... becos tueday is a Public holiday, the lesson was conducted today as make up.. from 2pm to 5pm..
thought is was only till 4pm. so mentality was not prepare for the additional one hr of lessonz.. went climbing after that.. borrowed the key from JW.. Thanks JW ...wonder why they keep changing lock... i am not like those climbing committee ppl.. so i do not have access to the rock gym as often as i want..
but i guess Jw really help moi in this sense.. else i tink i would have given up the sport due to $$$ factor..
anwyay some quite strong climber,A, came along.. and had a Disgusted look when he saw moi using the gym.. supposely only comm ppl have access..
cannot use the wall meh? the wall also dont belong to u lar..dont be so arrogant lar..
u also bring some girl come climb wat.. showoff to ur girl how good u are at climbing lar..
one of this day i be strong too. disgusted at my lousiness..as usual..
din climb much tho..maybe tml climb again.
i went town to have dinner with the LAOZ..cos rosy asked..tho the lao was fun a group.but i was wrong lar.. i made the same old mistake again.. trying to break into cliques... how many times have u done this already still make the same old mistake.. u will only feel left out and werid.. in the end only time wasted..
i din had lunch earlier..and nydc was not really my type of food.. maybe becos i work at nydc b4.. or maybe the company was wrong.. still prefer MY fav BK tho.. dun really understand whythe laoz tink BK is not considered food..
dont let moi see u ppl eating BK hor!!...#@!@#%#$%
anyway just left them and came home alone.. how sad.. anyway charmaine msg moi and ask abt moi.. so i feel slightly better.
anyway i be missing first week of sch.. i going to be some camp facilitor for like a pathetic 220 bucks.. really.. money is like so hard to earn... reminds moi of the jobless ppl..
on the way back i tho of those lesser..
the bangadesi din complain when they get only like a few bucks per day of HARD work..
the cleaner with walking problem that had difficulty walking, din complain and contiune with his work and rude stares.
the bus driver that never ceaases to drive moi back home.
muru frineds'
it is quite true wat muffin said. watever money u spent is ur paretns money.. so dont give gifts like u are some rich ah xia... now that makes sense.. i been spenting so much on others and i guess it is time i shd learn to earn some $$
the hard way.
maybe i be the GAY dancer with kumar at golddust with the kinky devil tail...swinging to the music..
but for now..i be going for the camp le..i will treat it as a training camp for moi.. cos i will embark on a training program during the camp. ROck lee training program.. hee... hush hush for now..
i wnana bring papa and mama to the golddust show so that they can have a good laugh over those farnie jokes.. really farnie..
things to do soon.
1.get my class 2a .. Hullo on hold damn long liao
2. go see CNY stuff at chiina town
3. go climb climb.
4. go pull pull..
5. wax bike and clean room.
things to consider in 2006
1.decide on a kickArse Tattoo...
2.Fall in love ???
3. think of an alternate career at 42.
with love
11:22 PM
Friday, January 06, 2006
it is a hard world out there!
really.. i had been the most misunderstood person.. maybe it is the tactless stuff i mouth and the senseless stuff i wrote..
jy,one of the very few good friends i know in nus, msg moi about the unfair statement i made regarding the yck minds spring cleaning.. just my thought that it is quite silly to do cleaning on a x massy weekend.. anyway, i din mean anything lar.. just my silly thoughts. sorr if i made u pissed or angry.
it surpirse moi how stuff i wrote affect ppl, the last thing i wnaan as to make jy unhappy. cos she is the only who bother to book seats for moi..normall i just sit alone some corner of the lecture room. i knewn she hate moi for my striaghtforwardness adn my demanding request at minds camp a few year ago.but somewat somehow we became really nice frineds. oh yah she is the one who introduce moi to naruto too.. anyway just ignore my werid tinking...
today i went climbing with sharky and sunbear. i din do my homework and cos them to wait in vain for like the whole morning..feel really bad and it freaking rained.... feel very conned..
but we did keep a promise that we will climb together in yishun agian.. it was the same us the preivous climb.. yishun is far and Expensive. thanks sharky and sunbear bear.
money jsut flows like water!!!
haiz..meet up with two frineds of muru.. B3 and pinkie. who had been desprately loking for jobs. for the past 1 year..
i was kinda shocked. althought i like slacking at times but one year is way too long i guess..
it is reaally hard to get a job nowadays..sharky also facing the same problem.. i am glad i secure a job for myself but at the same time feel uncertain..is it realyl tat hard to find a job? any job is still a job.. a job need to have prospects and chances of promotion. and must be skilled or value added.. else u be just expendable.
every thing is abt $$.. is it our fault or socaiety fault?
i am a fighting daydream believer.. hoping tat someday my dream will be true and prove to myself time and time again my true worth.
i knoe my mentality is not the same 4 years ago.. i grown stronger in some way yet weaker in some.i grown very comforable ... very comfortable wiht life.. taking most stuff for granted.. become a homely person. risk advert.. spenting unnecessary on little unessential stuff to keep moi temp happy. spendig long hrs in fornt of comp. dling stuff, wathcing anime and surfing e bays and bloggin shit..having cynical thoughts all the time and seeeking out for friends that most often than not left moi vunerble and weak.
today it happen again.. loti never reply or ans my call.. some friend wor.. when u ask stuff from ppl, espcailly lesser friends.it is hard.. oh well.. i learn this now!! i will remeber it forever...i swear.
jingy gave moi an adivce that expecatations are hard to make and i cant expect a lot form frineds... yah totally agree..
jingy gave a pic of furby also.. for the viewing pleasure of those who like furby as well
i am not like those FARK up ppl.. althought i cant fulfil ppl exepcation but at least i try..i dont cut and run.. i dont make use of my frineds. really i am quite sick of such fako and loser frineds.. pls pls get out of my life.. my block list is alreayd very long liao...
for the frineds tat have been with moi.. i wish good stuff will last forever.
am i really a hard person to be with?
p.s: for those reading this blog.. i am collecting watches for the kids at moral home.. old but usable watches. the poor kids dont have watches and some could not even tell the time.. perhaps a watch will be useful in teaching them to tell the time. and ur old watches are just collecitng dust at home.. thansk a lot ppl.
with love
1:25 AM
Sunday, January 01, 2006
i LIke Furby
Furby = Furry BABY!!!
with love
4:37 PM
rosy and moi
.. paris cute huh...
