Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Sway with moi!
damn sway lar...
i went cycling at lim chu kang the run way there..
then i had yet another flat tire ..
i just had one jsut recently..2 weeks ago to be precise. 10 bucks to replace a long valve tube.
i refuse to take cab cos i know $$ is hard to earn and ended up walking home.45min.F#@$@
quite disgusted.. training for the day is ruin...
$$ have to buy another long tube and prob new tires...
culprit?
TOopid thorn!
but it could be worst.. i could be stuck at cemetry or in the middle of the runway.
count my blessingS!!!
with love
10:12 PM
Monday, February 27, 2006
it really aint tat bad.
it is only the start of the week.. and things aint looking great.
Changes had to be made to the poster i spent making the whole of sunday afternoon doing. just felt tat putting the protocol inside and taking pics of the lab apparatus was a totally un cool move.. i mean have u ever seen journals or review showing pic of wat apparatus and equipment u use? i mean the method was not develop by us.. we jsut try to use the method.. so now wirting the method was somewat wrong. most of the infomation could be read up rom books and reveiw anyway.. just need $$ for the euqipments..obivous my poster got critised by my prof and changes had to be made.. i sudden FElt my FYP is a waste of time.. in short.. i dont tink i have acomplish anything.. jst some silly uni requirement..others din seem to have this prob.. disgusted.
feel very silly since i wasnt able to generate wat the prof expected.. where else labbie was able to do it... like ppl telling moi how to do it but yet i do wrongly.
i feel so mini infront of the prof. probably becos of my toopidity..
shit dont come alone.. they come all at once.. the results of the prevous mcq test were released.. of cos the 6 peopl who map the mod unto lsm 2202 was clearly at a disadvanage cos we vere exempted from pratical. and teh freaking TESt got a whole lot of practical questions.. concept i dont even know and seen before.. statistic show we flare worse than those lsm2202 by average of 16 marks.. i got a 46 marks..Fail lor..
highest was only 60 and lowest is 36.
OF cos lar.!!! cos teh TEST is not FAIR..
i so wanna make noise.. if Nus is indeed serious abt making student learn and instead of going through the motion of setting generic test paper for all.
there is not learning value in throwing moi into a test without teaching or exposeing moi to it. and judge moi base on the GRADes..
i so wanted to make noise cos i really think this whole shit is so wrong.. but i have no time.
i so hate NUS..
hate the system .. hate the people and hate my own incompetence..
i got a test tml but i cant study cos i have to rush the poster for printing...
i try not to blog abt sad stuff but i just cant help it.really.
i pulle with marko today at the bar.. din realise how much i miss his company.prob miss pulling wiht koala too..MARko!! i miss u at the BAR!!!! . we had some fun and laughter there today..we did nonsense.. "warming up" and be Silly Airheads.. that is wat we are only capable off.
our "MAgnum" look.. it's "BeautiFUL". trying hard to be airhead like zoolander.
feeling low and stressed..and very blue and tired.
i thought abt the cute babies newphew and niece, little bundles of joy
and the watermelon piggie gave.
i just felt this little much better.
live stronger.
with love
10:55 PM
ride like the wind
i finally recovered from sickness.. due to the rushing of the design interim report..
takes just a sec to fall ill and forever to recover...Sheesh!
progess update.
poster :90 percent done.. but not really certain is it the best way to present wat i wanted to present..
HR test: 2 more rreadings to do.. open book... let li gan flood my brain...
design: XL had done her reactor stuff.. and the responsiblity shifted to moi...
biocat paper: no progess
revision: nope..
today.. i went out for a ride on my bike . 40 plus k ride and a 6 k run... really deprove a lot. but i really miss wat i enjoyed doing.. forgeting all the sch work...
used to be a sunday routine.. but now seem like plain laziness and unmotivated espcailly when loaded with sch work and feelign sickish..
but i jsut wana say... IT FELT realli GOOd.... life shd be this way eveyday..merherher
and was complaining to dingy how we grown old and weak liao.=<
i met a new friend while riding.. caucasion guy.. super rfinedly.. he say he rode two stages of the tour de FRAnce... so cool... but i guess age caught up with him. he din ride really hard.. so cool.. wish him a safe ride before we headed diff ways.
HEY... marko coming to the bar tml morning!!!!!!WOOHOO... we are going pull and prob spout nonsense abt the derek zoolander which he adored ..
he calls himself derek peh and call moi hansel tan..Sheesh...
he say he challenging moi to a walk off and show moi the Magnum look!! hee..
going to be fun tml!!!
my bikes dirty...=(
back to readings...2 more!!
with love
12:35 AM
Friday, February 24, 2006
i like watermelonz
i had lunch with piggy xian today..and she GAve moi A water melon!!!
so sweet of her..
the melon is actually a beanie note holder..
piggy wrote a card to cheer moi up..knowing i was feeling sad and all..
she wanted to pass to moi during V day but both was kinda busy.. so din manage too..
hey piggy, just wanna tell u tat u make my day today!!
dont lab till lateS!
with love
9:44 PM
a neW understanding
i had a enlightening trip to prof loh office today.. oh well. poster day was soon and had to see him for advise cos it is but my first time doing poster.. i gain newer understanding.. sheesh.. a sem after my completed the project.. one of the stuff i probaly need to learn is abt packing contort the results to make it seem impressive.
easier said than done..
now thinking back on how moi and labbie tough it out at the lab, kinda sickening at htat time but now i can say i did relatively okay.
i can conclude my report was not well done. and quoting time was a limitation was a down part on my side.. sheesh. how unprofessional manz.. yah .. blame it on time..
* gulity*
i guess that cant be blame.. prob the mentality at that time. so frustated trying to get results.. long hours in the lab.. isolation....
i be surpirse if i can churn out a good report given that mental state i was in..
oh well.. i learned since.
how farnie.. i always try the blood and guts routine.. try to toughen out everything.
now i look at if from a diff pt of view, if i slow down and evalute wat i wanna show and present, i prob be able to put forth a better representation of my work.
oh well not totally..
Cao bin was a great teacher and advisor.. without him i probably wont even be at this stage of the project..
oh well all is done and i will concentrate on my poster. do come down and visit moi at poster presentation on the 8 and 10 at Engine auditorium.
so much for the term break.. been to sch almost everyday.. i was at the libray teh other day trying to read stuff for my desing project.. cos most of the books are loan out plus many holds.. sickening.. anyway i saw jsut this little bit of light for my design project.. now to obtain only the data. AgaR Agar knoe the general direction.. at least all the aspect the lecturer showed plus some others.
Absorber ppl.. let our pwr combine!
i got my V day pressie
A cute monkey to add on to my monkeys stuff toys.(^^,)
two months more to graduation..
i see uncertainty amongst my few good frineds in sch.its that cross road once again.
i see uncertainty in myself, my dreams, my passion.
be thankful.. many still cant land a job. or at least a good one.
i guess i must get ready to grown up..
the fire still burns.. althought it waver a bit in the strong winds..
i wont be going down without a fight.. but i refrain from the blood and guts routine..
so much for the term break. sch resumes.
with love
1:08 AM
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
always believe
one by one..
Step by step...
Rome wasnt build in a day...
neither is the Great wall....
Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.
i shan and will always believe in myself
i have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.
i will either find a way or make one...
i will belief in my honour and pride.
alwasy remember
"If you stop struggling, then you stop life."
with love
12:34 AM
Monday, February 20, 2006
help moi
i am so un-inspired,un motivated and pretty much lost..
with love
2:09 AM
Saturday, February 18, 2006
a creed for the suffering
i asked God for strenght tat i might achieve.
i was made weak that i might learn humbly to obey
i asked for health that i might do great things
i was given afirmity tat i might do better things
i asked for riches that i might be happy
i was given poverty tat i might be wise
i asked for power hat i might have te priase of men
i was given weakness tat i might feel the need for God
i asked for all things tat i might enjoy life
i was given life htat i might enjoy all things
i got nothing i asked for
but everythind i had hoped for
almost depite myself my unspoken prayers were anwsered
i am, among men, most richly blessed..
with love
11:40 PM
Friday, February 17, 2006
i just like it there
i still feelng sickish.. but i woke up early to go to the bar..
althought i am sick.. i still pull.. amazingly i felt better.. for that one instance and a few dizziness from shortage of breath..
i jsut like it there.. the quietness , the serenity and the lonilness...
when i grad, i sure going to miss that place.. more than anything or anyone else in sch. cos that is the place i go to most when i am down.
it had become my winter oak.. =)
had an interesting lecture today.. saw marko..
had lunch togther.. and suggested to watch a movie since i din meet him up for the longest of time.. seem somewat unfamilar.. i told him i pull just this morning despite being sick.. ..i promise that we will forever be pulling buddies till my arm break but i guess his passion break before my arms could...din ask why he din wann pull anymore.. didnt probe
but i some how firgure out myself..
the moive was kinda farnie but i think dick and jane woudl be a better choice but for old time sake. benstiller moive must watch with marko.. but he brought a girl along.. his gf... heehee.. oh well.. she is a nice simple girl. probalby like him for who he really is...
i feel so much like a big bulb.. never once and never had been one before.. it the first and i feel totally rotten althought i pretended nothing .. i am the great pretender rem?
i think tat is the reason.. ppl move on to yet another phase of is life le... i am still stuck..feel happi for marko yet kinda sad cos yet another frined lost..
i know i shd move on too.. i knoe.. i wanna.. i wish....
but that some one din appear.
i guess the only thing is to wait bah... for how long?
i dont knoe..
oh well term break start..
bluff ppl one.. where got break..
they only wnan break u up only with tonnes of work..
with love
11:55 PM
i just hate sch .. dont u?
it is amazing wat rest can do... i was so sickish trying to do up the design report.
everything comes back to back.. presentation, then test,a then report..
everytime i was just feeling better after like the precious 5hr of sleep, i go to sch feeling sickish. the body and sickness are just playing a silly game of tag of war.. wonder which will go first?
it is a toopid mad rush. i really wish i had more time. make that 48 hr a day..
24 hrs more to make up for my lousiness.perhaps more rest to recover.
the presentation was okie.. the test sucked BIG time..
i am sure i was prepared but some of the questions i din even have the concepts..
the lecturer din even say anything abt the questions that seemed so foriegn to moi.no even a slight hint. sheesh.. 30 FREAKing percent!!!!! i so dead..
poster deitals are up...
HR project is hanging
design is in a mess
hr test coming soon
bio cat review paper no direction yet
bio cat test is coming soon..
mod are lagging and i am dying
i haven even catch the moive fun with dick and jane like i wanna.. no company no time and no money..
very broke this month.. dunno why..
my poor time management and my air head brain is causing moi to miss out on the finer things in life.. surely it is more than just work and work alone..Yucky!! big time yuckS..
the more i stay in sch. the more stuff i learn..
i learn the selfishness of ppl
i learn why undergrads are fat pieces of walking lard, eventaully
( no time to even exercise)
i learn to indulge in jealousy
i learn to fall sick
i learn to be shady
i learn abt my imcompetence
i learn to be whiny
perhaps life would be better without all this..
just maybe..
with love
12:47 AM
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
haPPY V day to all!
oh well..
HAppy V day to all!!!
i got a test tml..
i am sick...
and i got tonnes of work...
but HEy.. things aint tat bad..
the test is MCQ it could have been structures/essay
i am sick... but i could have been diagnosed with incurable disease..
i am single.. but i am not yet heart broken
WOOHOOooo.. the world's a great place to live in..rejoice and praise the lord..
with love
8:24 PM
Friday, February 10, 2006
the great clash ( review and conclusion)
the presentation is over... tat @#$%^ insisted on using her slides dARk back ground with white words....and change all the rest... and guess wat? she change it without telling moi.....u scare the Rock will whoop ur candy arse?
that @#$%^ is scare of light lor.. and brightness the righteous..need to seek comfort from darkness. cheap bitch...
i really dont understad wat is the big "woo ha " manz..
dont u all realise wat she is trying to do? okie lar i give it to u tat @#$%^ is well verss in writing lar.. i am not as good in writing as the @#$%^ is.. and i am also not good at using self pity ..
u expect ppl to pity u and ur eyes? FOr crying out loud, give moi a break manz....
i dont wanna listen to ur sad story man....
why tell ppl abt ur eye? u expect sympathy? u see moi tellnig ppl abt my dick or not?
@#!%#@%!$#%
if u got eye problems and can bearly see the slides why do u still take the mod?
why dont u take a break from sch and wait for ur eyes to reccover?
am i suppose to do all ur work for u ? am i suppose to be ur eyes? get alife manz..
F off bitch!!!
in the wrong.. still say unhappy and show attitude.. totally FArk up manz!!!
labbie mention tat @#$%^ girls in my fac like to use see doc as excuse.. i find it farnie..oh well
the presentation went okie.. but i got a missing slide.. dunno why.. but i din make nosie wat.. i carry on as per norm.. i resort to using marker and white borad..
so no issue wat...
two missing eqn wanan KPKB..( kao peh kao bu).. @#$$%^ like to make noise only...
still got the cheeks to ask for a formal apology.. be thankful i din give u slap manz...
i am not normally liket hat.. i know this is going to show that i am not a gentleman quarreling with girl.. but this @#$%^ girl is too much manz..as long as i have my honour and pride.. i stand for it...
oh well she never reply so there wont be a great clash part 4
conclusion ?
ROCKY: 1
@#$%^ girl: 0
*dance the numa dance*
with love
2:25 AM
the great clash( part3)
Then it is good if u are not unhappy.
Quoting: (naturally I hadn't got the chance to check NUS email in all that time). Except Luis, no one had the courtesy to inform me that they were going with to get late or not come for the meeting altogether. I later came to know that you went to meet the professor earlier on by an email you sent. But the least you could have done is let me know there was no meeting.
There was not meeting called in the first place… it was only a non formal one. Go if u wish kind… refer to luis previous mail. (so there was no need to inform u, I was always on time for meeting if there is one)
LOOK clearly.
U had ur problems we have our problems too…
The prof prompted for the lect notes. I did not see the prof earlier on…unlike u say....
Basically wat we( mi and shweilin did) was to get the tutorial done… and type it out..( read clearly in the previous mail)..
It is okie if u fail to check ur mail, we are not pointing fingers.
At least we ( mi and Shwei lin ) done our part to the group.
If I din check and u din see, wouldn't it reflect badly on ur group when the work don't get done..
Shdnt u be grateful instead?
I clearly left my hp number for any corrections…..
Don't get jumpy on ur assumptions..
There will no be formal apology…
yongming
with love
2:23 AM
the great clash ( part 2)
Hello Everyone,
In reply to Yong Meng's long email, in the hope of clearing the air between us and in also asking for a formal written apology for the false accusations and bad mouthing (email attached below) I was sent last evening:
1)I did not "go around voicing my unhappiness" .The only reason for me calling Luis instead of you was because I realized at 6:30PM yesterday that the wrong slides had already been submitted and was in a panic to check if any last minute corrections were possible. I was at the eye clinic at NUH since morning yesterday and directly rushed to the meeting venue with dialated pupils (because of all the tests they had to run on my eyes). My sight was very blurred and I was barely able to see in daylight let alone be able to read….I have Luis's hand phone number saved on my phone, so in my state of urgency and blurry eyes I called the first person I could easily get hold of. Yong Meng, there is no need to be so sensitive and imagine things that aren't there… You say you are a direct person, so I hope you appreciate the directness of this email. I just want to end the imaginative beaurocracy in the group that you seem so eager to see. As far as I know our group has been very open and direct all along.
2) I was waiting for a so called meeting for from 5:15pm till 5:45pm at which time we had agreed to finalize tutorials before submission. In fact I rushed directly from the Eye hospital where I was stuck many queues since morning to the meeting venue (naturally I hadn't got the chance to check NUS email in all that time). Except Luis, no one had the courtesy to inform me that they were going with to get late or not come for the meeting altogether. I later came to know that you went to meet the professor earlier on by an email you sent. But the least you could have done is let me know there was no meeting. I could get very sensitive about it and start sending defaming emails to you all but for the working of the group I understand the compelling situations for cancelling the meeting and also have readily let go the fact that I waited for more than half an hour for a cancelled meeting… So you see it is sometimes very necessary in a group not to become overly sensitive and touchy about things.
I hope this clarification helps.
Rgds,
Lakshmi
with love
2:22 AM
the great clash ( part 1)
Dear lakshmi,
I am sorri to say aparrently there are some tension among us.
If u have unhappiness jsut voice it out... I am a direct and proud person..
Before u can go around voicing ur unhappiness abt missing equation from ur slides, I hope u could understand the situation..
1) i change the font cos black background and yellow fonts are hard to print..and take notes..
2) u were so late in senting ur slides over..just like u .. i do not only take one Down stream processing mod.
3) prof loh emial us to sent the slide over by 5pm.. wasnt our agreement over the weekend??... at least we will have some reaction time??
4) i sent my hp by the mial.. if u got some changes u wanna make.. jsut give moi a call and i will have it check it out instead of going ard and vocie ur unhappiness abt it.. it will do not good to the team
5) it will reflect badly on us.. since we need to prompted by the prof..
6) no one was aware abt the deadline at 5. . I was the frist toknoe and i infrom shwei lin
7) if u are not aware, it is moi and shwei lin who rush it out before 5pm.. the slides and the tutorial...with solns typed ...so pls dont give shweilin attitude when he try to solve the eqn thingy..
8) ur slides are somewat diff from wat u will present the other time.. so i can say u did not prepare prior to the last meeting that is why ur slide was preety late..
we dont mind that... but dont ard messing the group-spirit and cause tension..
anyway ur missing eqn is retified ... white font cant appear in white back ground .that is why ur eqn dissappeared... we did not purposely delete it.. we are not tat cheap.
if u are still unhappi , i have no say... but personally i feel tat u have no reason to be unhappy ...
abt the notes, u could simply ask the class to fill in the blanks and make it interractive...
luis: sorri for getting you stuck in the middle of this.
shwei lin: pardon my tactlessness u knoe moi well enough.
yongming
with love
2:18 AM
new insights
just the other day, WY and SH shared with moi views abt buddhism when i ask them for inspiration storys or Zens story to fuel my dead soul and carcass..
they were saying that there is no self and u cant define u... u got many u.. many indentity .. it changes from time to time and diff conditions..
when u have no you, wat ppl say.. and wat ppl do u will no feel offended cos there is no basis for u to be offended cos u dotn really exist in the first place...
muru share wiht moi yet another story..abt this priest who remain calm after beening hurl insults and comments.. he goes on to ask the person who shouted relentlessly at him.. " if i give u something and u dont accept it .. who do the thing belong to?"
the man reply curiously" it belong to u"
the priest then say: " the insults still belong to u.. for i did not accept them"
he then contiune his meditaion..
amazing huh? nice story.. many ppl ask moi not to stop blogging.. basically it is my life..i choose it the way i wanna.. ur view are urs and my views are mine..
so thansk to all those who cheer moi on from time to time.. u know who u are..
piggy , pat pig, rosy , muru , dauite and the list goes on.
and to those who like to irrated moi by posting or saying absurb stuff.. i say u take all nasty comments... turn that somebitch sidesway and proceed to shaft them up ur Candy ARSe.!!!
some update,
1.quarrel with an indain at sch.. cos she is unhappy over some presentation slides.. (details to be show next blog) stay tune..
2. when retail therapy for feb babies
3. tonnes of work to do at sch..
4. visit the bar almost every moring.
5. make some new frineds.
oh yah
announcement:
nus engine ppl !! FREE water bottle1!!! auntie and ah soh!! rem to Q up for it!!!
i definately be there!!!! heehee jion moi
with love
2:01 AM
Friday, February 03, 2006
Will u be there.?
it is so ironic that ROsy mention that at the end of the year 2006, lets count the number of sad blog posting i have for 2006. i knoe i am had not been a cheerful soul. especailly recently..
i decided that i had let my feelings and thoughTs too transparent and words too straight.. as a results ppl are ofetn so jugdemental ...everybody is just so critical.
i always get hurt..
i decided that i shall not blog anymore... this will prob be my last posting.
just like she say.. "i do not lead a online life cos i got interesting offline life."
why do i always fight a battle that i cant win... why am i suck a loser for frineds and everytihng else? maybe Becos i din have a best frined since primary sch...but it will definately be nice to have a best frined le...
or at least a really depeendable friend..
i wanted to upload the free willy theme song " will u be there?" to hold moi and carry moi..lift moi up slowly .. show moi u care.. i get lonely sometimes... i am only human...
i always get down or depress when ppl do unjust to moi.. cos i really and truly expect true blue frineds. not just somenobody.. i am not blind!! i can see.. i can feel....althought i try to act blind and be obilivous to the surrounding happenings, i still get affected.
nice guy always finishes last.... i am not so nice.. but i am not so bad.. i figure i end up somewehre in the middle will be good..
hope u all got to know a little bit more abt this plain normal guy with his werid thinking and the nonsensical stuff through this blog.
thanks to all those who express concern on the tag board. for all that little encourage and advice u all gave..they mean a lot to moi...
thanks a lots. from the bottom of my heart...
Thanks for all..
Luv,
mingZ...
with love
12:36 AM
