Saturday, July 16, 2005
WHY?
its been four day since i last came home... home kinda nice.. but i am sad this week..
really really sad...
i was at teh pull up bar on tueday and wed nite..dont knoe why i was there also.. just need a place to relax i guess..the road at leads into nus is nicely lighted for those having convocation. wendy just had hers and she sent mi her convocation photos..i dont knoe why.. but i felt sad.. REAL sad... i see ppl smiling and laughing... how come my uni life is not like that? ppl hang out in groups.. how come i am always alone with marko at the pull.. are we like out cast or wat? ppl are like happy to grad but i know i wont be happy... with lousy grad... wats there to be happy about?... my lifes is just a mistake lor.... i shd have just jion hte speical forces when i was 19 then froever stay there.. if time could reverse... i would never wanna coem into uni....make mi feel miserable....i really cant imagine how convocation wil be for mi.. go there alone.. come back alone... yucks...
maybe i will do wat i did in jc... get reulst liao then go to the pull. and rot for the rest of teh day.....
somehow i hope wendy din sent mi her photos, so i wont be like so sad.. i wanna be ignorant about such stuff... call it self deception.. i dont care.. i dont wnana feel sad....
u ever have teh experience of seening someone u like in the hands of some other guy?
the feeling is God damn sucky lar.. it is like those sinking feeling.. into depression and there is nothing u can do.... why lifes so unfair to mi one....every thing got a reason? tell mi hte reason ... tell mi!!!!....
i dont knoe lar...
sometimes i just wish i could just die and everything would be just as it was....
i left camp at 2200 cos i was doing some minutes for conference. it was late. i am hungry. the toopid bus took a long time to come...i was the 2nd last guy Q ing up the bus.. then the last guy push mi aside and he boarded the bus... there wasnt enought space for both of us.....even old ah peh wanna bully mi....i waited for 1/2 for the next bus to come..
i woonder y am i so loser one...get push aside by old ah peh.. issi becos i am weak? i tink i turn mild.. weak and soft.
the 1/2hr as i was waiting for teh bus... i tho abt it .. i simply could not undersatnd wat is wrong with riding a bike? why are my parents so stubborn abt it... transport leh... as much as i wanna spent more time at home... but i need to go camp leh... public transport sucky lar.... squeeze with ppl... most inconsiderate one...
i dont knoe lar..
super losuy mood
can some one teach mi to be happy?
pls?
with love
12:07 AM
